


It's Hard For Me To Say...

by angelboygabriel



Category: Band of Brothers, Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Backstory, Confessions, Gabriel's Vessel - Freeform, M/M, Religion, fusion au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 06:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11915529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelboygabriel/pseuds/angelboygabriel
Summary: Before Gabriel met the Winchesters, before he fell for Sam, he loved another. A discussion about Gabriel's past and his first time saying three special words in a long time.





	It's Hard For Me To Say...

“Is it really that hard to say?” Sam asks, and he sounds defeated. Too defeated.

“No, Sam! Dad- fuck, that's not- I can't-” Gabriel fires off in a panic. He ran his hands through his hair, the terrifying human sensation of _emotion_ tingling his grace. The glass windows of the room start to rattle with Gabriel’s frustration, and Sam looked a bit freaked out. Gabriel forced himself to calm down.

“Did I ever tell you how I got this vessel?” Gabriel asked, and Sam shook his head, tense.

Gabriel sighed and sat down on the bed next to him. “World War II was a bad time for everyone. The Greek and Judeo-Christian pantheons were in uproar. The gods and angels had somehow lost Chaos, and it was infecting the planet. We battled in Purgatory as humans did on Earth, and the war was resolved when Harmony was released back into the world. I had been hiding from heaven for two millennia during the time, going from vessel to vessel and communing with the Pagans. I had sensed the birth of my True Vessel around 20 ish years before the war and decided to wait before approaching him. He was a good man named Skip Muck- one of the bravest men I've seen. Then when he was drafted into the war, I visited him. He said yes on one condition. He asked me to protect his loved ones, so I agreed. My Grace entered him in a dormant state, I hate to say similar to you and Gadreel, but I was doing nothing to affect him.” Gabriel explained and Sam was silent. He still couldn't see where this was going.

“So I lived as Muck for almost four years. We felt the same things. Lived the same things. Loved the same people. Muck loved his comrades in arms deeply, but he _fell_ in love with his best friend, a man named Donald Malarkey. I loved him, too. Their- our relationship was forbidden. Muck had a wife whom he loved deeply back home, but Don, now Donald Malarkey was special. We experienced hell together, and we grew close. I think sometimes the other men must have known, we always sat to close together and were more in-tune than anyone. But you know what, on one cold as fuck day in France, I lost them both. Skip Muck and Alex Penkala were killed by a German artillery shell, and Don was never the same. I had to wait until after Muck’s funeral, after hearing Don’s eulogy, to renew the body and take it as my own. I failed them.” Gabriel finished, quietly.

Sam didn't say anything, surprising Gabriel. Usually the human had much to say on matters of heart, and this seemed peculiar. Gabriel gently reached out with his Grace to see what he was feeling, and there was a bitter sadness and bone-deep empathy. Gabriel winced at the second one.

“You know, I’d say I felt the same way with Jess but you don't need that type of bullshit ‘oh I relate’ chat,” Sam said, leaning forward, “because I can't really. I am so, so much less than you, Gabriel- and let me finish, it's not how you think-” Sam interjected as the archangel opened his mouth to interrupt. “I’m human. I feel differently than you. You are holy host, you are Being. I don't mean that I'm less in a bad way.” he explained.

“If you still can't- if you still can't say it, I get it-” he began but Gabriel quieted.

“I just need you to understand, I have _loved_ before you, Sam Winchester. Time and time again I fall in love with a raindrop when I am the earth upon which it evaporates. I will always be here but it will not.” he said.  
Sam’s heart ached at feeling a loneliness that deep.

Gabriel sighed and took his hands. The archangel always ran unusually hot and this time was no exception, warmth flooding up his arms and he stared into Sam’s eyes with his unfathomable gold ones.

“But I want you to know that I do. I love you.” 


End file.
